Nobody asked me but...
by Marcel Friedmann

When Stanley Strachan suddenly died in January, this Unit lost one of its nicest members. Although a really tough competitor, he was always a gentleman. People who did not know this big huggable bear of a man really missed out.

The beauties and the Beast: The old Cavendish crew seems to have regrouped at the Town Club. It's a really, really big game.

A former member of this unit, Takeshi Nozaki is an official of the Japanese Bridge League and has been instrumental in getting so many of his countrymen to attend our Nationals.

The Proprieties say that pulling out a card before it's your turn to play is a No-no, yet no penalties are provided even for playing before your turn. Shouldn't it at least come under the heading of 'Unauthorized information'?

It would not be a bad idea for the League to hold a symposium on 'Conflicts of Interest and Avoidance Thereof'. Tournament directors and members of the different committees should be made to attend. I'm sure Mr. Alioto would agree with me.

Look what they've done to my game, Ma: Now natural bids are alertable. I can just hear Kaplan after the opponents overcall his 1 NT opening and Kay doubles: "Alert, You're going for your life!". Things have come to such a pass that just try to open a four-card major and, 'mon dieu', they call for the sheriff to unleash the dogs.

One Director who got very hot under the collar when this C.O. and others fudged a point on his No Trump (Obviously 9s and 10s and a five-card suit don't mean a thing) keeps his cool when told that some players open 2-way no trumps in third and fourth seat. How do they know which is which? Do they ring a bell or is it whether the bid is fast (good) or slow (bad)?

There's a club which has a "pro" at every other table. The problem is that you need a program to tell client from pro.

Some bridge schools remind me of Arthur Murray's: When they were done with all the standard dances, they sold you a course on the Merengue. When you graduated you could dance with anybody....who went to Arthur Murray's. The rage now is Mirror No trumps and Bergen Raises. Have you seen anybody do the Merengue lately and, come to think of it, what ever happened to Marty?

If Henry Francis really thinks psychs should not be used and are counter-productive, sitting in back of Zia for a couple of sessions might change his mind.

Even the most ethical established partnership has a built-in edge as they know whether partner is conservative, aggressive or just plain likes to fool around.

'Some are More Equal than Others' Department: When a top pair is thrown out of the League you can bet the rent they'll be back in a couple of years with the proviso that they not face each other. They even help others qualify for the playoffs. Could it be that when you split them up all you wind up with is two sleazy pairs? Mama-Papa pairs in the same situation are history.

A.T. seems to have an affinity for North. It's always Dummy (probably for the convenience of the reader) and makes far fewer errors than the other participants.

It is not difficult if one has the time and the records available to cull a half dozen hands out of a thousand to prove any theory one is writing about.

If Frank Stewart wrote all those books while employed in Memphis, isn't the League entitled to part of the profits, if any?

'Our is Not to Ask Why Department': Some years ago I wanted to know who had written the conditions of contest for the North American Teams Qualifiers (it could have been anyone from Mel Brooks to Henry Bethe) and was subjected to a torrent of abuse. This year, when I asked who had seeded the Von Zedtwitz Double Knockouts, the reply was: "Why? Is there a problem?" If you aren't going to have a committee for the latter, why not do it randomly? As Harry Truman was fond of saying, "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen".

'You've come a long way, baby': Is it really the same highly principled people who kept South Africa out of the World Championships for so long who now get all dewy eyed because a murderer died in Beijing?

It's a puzzle that over the years some of the top players, winners of prestige pair events such as the LM's or the Blue Ribbons or the McKinney race (I still call the Avenue of the Americas 6th), don't get to play on top teams. Is the game that different?

If screens are only used in the Knockouts from the round of 8 on, it is at least theoretically possible that by that time all of the super ethical teams are out, including those who lost close matches. Teams who lost a close match early on would certainly love to have another shot behind screens.

Alvin Levy is, without a doubt, the most dedicated and able District representative in this C.O.'s memory. I do, however, disagree with him and Roy Green on whether all those promotions like money events and computer/Internet games will bring more participants to the bridge table. The last thing this C.O. claims is that he is smarter than these gentlemen; however, he does have more experience.

The most spectators a bridge event ever attracted was the Vu Graph (free of charge) at the World Championships in Biarritz and that was below 500 per session. When at a Regional in Florida they tried to collect a couple of bucks for a kibitzing fee, most of the kibitzers walked out. Even the charismatic Omar Sharif did not set the world on fire with his Bridge Circus and Lancia Challenge. Bridge is just not a spectator sport. I certainly hope to be proved wrong on this .

I hold Frank Allison in the highest esteem and wish him the best of luck in his new role as co-owner of the Franklin Bridge Center. This new enterprise, however, keeps him so busy that it took forever to process the silver points for the STACs, which leads me to wonder why this Unit's events should be run by someone from Nassau-Suffolk, however well qualified. Surely there must be someone within our Unit capable of running these events efficiently.

In all the years I've written this column I've never mentioned any of my friends. The time has come to make an exception. I will sorely miss my good friend and bridge partner of many years, Sherle Wagner, a very unassuming and gracious gentleman who died in Florida in March.

The maxim that 'those who can do, and those who can't, teach' is certainly true in bridge. Some teachers, critics and writers, including those in Memphis, are smart not to compete in tournaments, lest they be found guilty of indecent exposure. The great Bill Root and Gail Greenberg are the exceptions to the rule. They do it all and do it so well.

How the mighty have fallen: The Easterns are going to Connecticut and the Cavendish Invitational to Las Vegas!

By the way, non-bridge players who stayed at the Fontainebleau during last summer's Nationals paid lower room rates than we did. Some even got upgraded. Is it possible that us peons pay a premium so that big shots get suites on the house?

Along the same lines, the rates in Vegas for the Cavendish are no bargain either.

With the death of Freddie Sheinwold, a former New Yorker, the bridge world lost a man who really was a legend in his own time. Player, writer and theoretician, his contribution to bridge is unequaled.

Addendum: [At the request of our esteemed C.O. we are reprinting the following article. CAVEAT: While the first three paragraphs are a straightforward primer on the use of bidding boxes, it should be noted that the rest of the article is firmly tongue-in-cheek! Ed.]

Proper Use of Bidding Boxes

by Fred Dischman

Before playing in the 1993 Spring Nationals in Kansas City, I had never seen bidding boxes. It did not take long to learn the basics. Bidding boxes are easy to use if you know how. A set consists of four boxes. Each box contains 35 bid cards (one club through seven notrump), some pass cards, some double cards, some redouble cards, some stop (skip bid warning) cards and either (sometimes both) an alert flag or an alert card. The pass cards are green, the double cards are red, and the redouble cards are blue. The other cards vary based on the bidding box style. A bidding box has two compartments: one (farthest from the user) for the 35 bids and one (nearest the user) for all of the other stuff.

As it is without bidding boxes, it is best to think about what you want to do, decide, and then select that call from the box. If you wish to pass, double or redouble, retrieve one and only one card from the front of your bidding box and place it in front of you on the table. If you wish to bid (number and denomination), choose the bid you want by placing your thumb on the colored tab and the rest of your fingers behind all the bidding cards and placing the entire stack in front of you (facing the other players) on the table. It is best to start on your far left, so you can cascade your bids across the table to your right so that each action you have taken can be seen. There is never a need for a review with bidding boxes. When the auction is complete, collect all of the cards that reside in the near compartment of the box and return them to the box. Then push the bidding cards together into a single stack and return them to the back of the far compartment. You will be ready for the next auction. If you choose to use the stop card, place it on the table immediately prior to your skip bid. If your partner does something you should alert, display your alert card (or touch your alert flag). In either case, say "Alert".

I am sure that with a little practice you will handle bidding boxes without any conscious thought. Most people like them. After you have mastered the basics, you may wish to progress to some advanced usage techniques.

Hand strength: The established partnership can accurately describe the strength of their hands by how near the left they begin bidding. If you start on your far left, you show a very good hand since you intend to make a lot of bids. If you start bidding by placing cards on your right, you show a poor hand. If you start bidding in the middle, you show an average hand. If you start in the middle, and then move your previous bids to your left, you show that the auction has improved your hand.

Forcing Pass: Many partnerships have trouble deciding when a pass is forcing and when it is not. Even if your partnership is fortunate enough to have solid agreements, you will have hands your agreements do not handle well. To make a forcing pass with bidding boxes, merely handle your bidding cards prior to selecting a pass card. There exists a corollary to showing a forcing passif you are not sure who is sacrificing, touch your double card prior to passing.

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Big notrump with a five-card major: When I started playing, people opened one notrump when their strength was right even though they possessed a five-card major. Times changed and virtually everyone opened the major, even with the right strength and shape for one notrump. Now, there is beginning to be a resurgence of one notrump with a five-card major though opening the major is still much more common. Either way you have a problem. With bidding boxes, open one heart with your five-card major. After your partner responds one spade, you can rebid one notrump with a minimum hand or with a big notrump opening. How will your partner know the difference? If you have a minimum hand, cascade your cards as you would normally. With a big notrump. place the one notrump card directly on top of the one heart card (so the one heart card can no longer be seen).

Keeping the bidding open: If your partner opens the bidding and you would like to respond, but you really do not have the values to do anything other than pass, handle your pass card and then bid.

Please shut-up, partner: If you want your partner to pass, merely hold your last action in your handdo not place it on the table. This works with double (I have them where I want them), pass (do not continue, do not balance, just shut up), or any bid. Suppose you open one club, and partner responds one spade, you bid three club s and partner bids three spades. Three notrump by you allows partner to correct to four spades. However, if you hold your three notrump bid, partner is not allowed to correct.

The Stop Card: I know of two treatments you may use with the stop card. If your partner is forgetful, you want to use the stop card when your bid is preemptive and not use it when your bid is strong. If your partner is reliable, use the stop card only on bad preempts.

Expressing Doubt: If you are unsure about what action you should take, make many motions toward your bidding box without selecting any action.

Emphasis: To show emphasis about your bid (either Pass or Double), select multiple cards. The more cards you display, the stronger your message. Six Pass cards shows a Yarborough. Some players prefer to indicate emphasis by the way they put their bidding card on the table. Slamming means this is the final decision for the partnership. Floating a bidding card indicates resignation.

Bidding boxes are a wonderful thing. You do not need to pay attention all the time because you can review without asking for a review. You do not need to worry that other tables will hear your auction. You do not have to worry about what someone bid, did they bid two notrump or was it three notrump. I think if you try them, you will like them. All functions in our Unit require the use of bidding boxes, unless you have a disability that will not allow their use.