Jenny Mae will always remember the first time she partners Dizzy Agnes to next-to-last place in the Beggarly Bridge club championship. One night over burgers and a pitcher of Heineken at Joe's Bar & Grill, Jenny Mae relates to me the episode that caused her to almost give up the bridge pro business.
"This one," says Jenny, jotting on a cocktail napkin, "is the first deal of the evening. We get a bottom, and from there it is downhill. I am South, and this woman, Dizzy Agnes, whom I am introduced to only minutes before game time, and agree to play with for a small amount of money, is dummy, a position, believe me, she is well-suited for. In fact, I can see right away that she is not anxious to be declarer this particular evening, because before we even pick up the cards, I notice that her right eye is twitching a bit and she quickly dips into her bag and takes a nip of what she calls her cough syrup, though I never hear her cough all night."
South deals
E-W vul
Dizzy Agnes
S T 9 8 7 5
H K 4 3 2
D 7 3
C 3 2
West (Little Lulu) East
S J 2 S 6 4
H T 9 8 7 H A Q J 5
D 9 2 D K J 8
C T 9 8 6 5 C A Q J 7
Jenny Mae
S A K Q 3
H 6
D A Q T 6 5 4
C K 4
J. Mae D. Agnes
South West North East
1 D pass pass 1 H
1 S pass pass double
2 D pass 2 S pass
4 S (all pass)
Opening lead: H10
"I open one diamond and Dizzy Agnes passes, which may not be the best
tactical bid with both majors, but I am not displeased to partner such
strict students of the game, who are preferable to those who like to break
the 6-point rule and other rules and are therefore not very reliable.
Anyway, East is there to help me, as he bids one heart and I bid one spade.
Perhaps now Dizzy Agnes should reevaluate and raise with her five-card
support, but she is under the delusion that I am looking at her hand when I
bid spades, or perhaps she has partnered many pros who do bid her cards as
well as their own, so she passes again with a nod of approval and East, a
very scientific bidder, doubles for takeout.
"Ethically, of course, I must ignore Dizzy Agnes's nod of approval, so I complete the description of my hand by rebidding diamonds and this upsets Dizzy Agnes not a little. Her eyes bulge in indignation as she retreats to two spades, as if to say, did I not hear her pass one spade, i. e., she prefers spades. I am happy to hear the spade support verbally and now I up and bid game, though perhaps I should only invite. I am convinced that my partner will never reevaluate her hand, and this is why I take the bull by the horn and bid game myself. Dizzy Agnes is not happy about my bid, for as she carefully lays out her five trumps on the table (to my delight), I hear her say to her RHO, Little Lulu, that she does not understand how I can keep bidding when she has shown such a poor hand. Little Lulu responds that if Dizzy thinks her hand is bad, she should look at her's, whereupon she flashes my partner her hand and Dizzy says, 'Yeah but you're not the one in four spades.'
"Meanwhile Lulu has hit on the best lead and continues with a second heart, which I ruff with the queen. The reason I ruff with the queen is that I am hoping to reach dummy for a diamond finesse if the jack of spades drops on the first round of trumps. I cash the ace of trumps but the jack does not drop.
"It appears I must lead diamonds out of my hand and play for one opponent to hold the doubleton king or play to ruff out the diamond king, with the hope that the opponent holding a doubleton diamond does not hold the jack of spades. You see, I cannot cash a second trump before ruffing out the king of diamonds or I will have no way back to my hand. Suppose I do cash a second trump and lead a diamond. West may win and play a third heart, and though I can ruff the heart and ruff a diamond in dummy, my hand will be out of trumps and the defense will have four tricks, two hearts, one diamond and one club. But if I do not cash a second trump, I run the risk of one opponent ruffing the third round of diamonds with the jack of spades. And, as you can plainly see, as the cards lie that will happen if I first attack diamonds.
"Then the light bulb goes on in my head, that little gift of card sense that I must have been born with, though why I am given this talent to play bridge I do not know. I see if I can force East to win the diamond, he will not be in position to play hearts successfully. So I do cash the second trump, then lead the ace and queen of diamonds. East wins the king and has no way to hurt me."
Jenny Mae takes a refill of her draught as I admire her play. "So," I say, "that is a pretty good start you have with Dizzy Agnes." "No," she says, "it is not the start you think it is. For later, after the session, when we go to have a postmortem bite here at Joe's Bar & Grill, who comes tagging along but Lenny Grimes, who perhaps has a right to tag along, having played many a session with Dizzy Agnes, which is maybe the one thing in life you must admire about Lenny Grimes, if perseverance is something to admire. But Lenny Grimes is at his lowest at Joe's Bar & Grill, for he has brought along the hand records and is telling Dizzy Agnes about how he plays these very same deals. And on this hand, he is declarer in four spades as well and has brought home twelve tricks.
South deals
E-W vul
Selma Diamond
S T 9 8 7 5
H K 4 3 2
D 7 3
C 3 2
West East
S J 2 S 6 4
H T 9 8 7 H A Q J 5
D 9 2 D K J 8
C T 9 8 6 5 C A Q J 7
Lenny Grimes
S A K Q 3
H 6
D A Q T 6 5 4
C K 4
L. Grimes S. Diamond
South West North East
1 S pass 2 S double
4 S (all pass)
Opening lead: D9
"Well, Dizzy Agnes is fit to be tied when she sees that the king-jack of
diamonds is in the East hand, and starts screaming at me as to why a
so-called professional bridge player cannot take a simple finesse in the
correct way - why, even she knows how to take a finesse! Grimes, in the
meantime is busy ordering three or four of Joe's most expensive specials
(on Dizzy Agnes's bill) and does not come to my rescue, not that he would
anyway, and then relates how he makes 12 tricks. He opens the bidding one
spade, as he is playing with Selma Diamond, a person who is also known in
some circles as Seldom Diamond, because she is seldom declarer when
partnered by her favorite pro, Lenny Grimes. He is raised by Selma to two
spades, doubled by East, and he bids four spades. West hits on the lead of
the diamond nine and Grimes goes for all the matchpoints by cashing three
rounds of trumps, ending in dummy and finessing again in diamonds. He then
pitches four hearts from dummy, ruffs his heart and leads a club toward the
king.
"Not only that, but most of the other Wests hit on the ten-of-clubs lead, and those declarers score 11 tricks, making very small potatoes of my queen-of-diamonds play for 10 tricks. And to this day, Dizzy Agnes is still harping about how she is kind enough to give me my first chance as a pro, despite the fact I do not know how to take a finesse!"
"In view of all this, Jenny Mae, why do you stick to the bridge pro business and not give it up for something more upright?"
"For the simple reason," explains Jenny Mae, "that when we pay for the check tonight, I put it on Dizzy Agnes's account, which is one way she pays me, for her husband's firm has a business account with Joe's Bar & Grill. And it is always nicer to put the bill on Dizzy Agnes's account than to cough up the loot from my purse."